Sundays

Sundays are my single mom days.  I know I can't fully understand the life of a single mother but I do feel sympathy for them.  Doing Sundays alone makes me grateful that I have a husband around most of the time. 

Sundays are just HARD.  Every morning I wake up with a pit in my stomach and some anxiety for the day ahead.  I feel guilty that I don't look forward to church.....I dread it a lot of times right now, mostly sacrament meeting.  Manning my kids alone stinks.  I try to look like I'm calm and everything is under control but if you could check my blood pressure you would know I am not.  I struggle with all my kids.  I leave with the little ones and hope that my older ones will stay put.  No matter how many times I talk to them about it they NEVER do.  They come out once or twice to see if they can stay with me or tattle on the other brother.

After sacrament meeting things calm down a little as my kids are dispersed to their different classes.  I know this is just a stage but it doesn't make it any less hard.  I know that the church is true and that I need to be there and I always will.  It's important to me and my family.  I will be there every Sunday even if it is hard.  I guess we all are asked to do hard things and this is a HARD thing right now for me.  I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other I guess.