Dreams

It seems, lately, that I dream more then I sleep.  I can't remember the last night I went to sleep and woke up the next morning having slept straight through the night.  I always have dreams.  Mostly they make no sense.  I am not a visionary dreamer.  They usually don't mean anything.  I think sometimes they mirror my worries and anxieties. Other than that they seem to have no reason.

Last night I had a terrible dream.  It wasn't scary, just really sad.  In describing the dream it probably doesn't sound like a big deal to anyone.  But, the intense emotions I felt left me waking up, weeping.  I had to calm myself down and remind myself that it was just a dream and not big deal.  I didn't need a crying headache, I needed to get back to sleep.

In this dream I was somewhere in a group of people.  As I looked over I saw a good friend of mine from high school.  (In real life we only kept in touch a little while into college and then she went off the grid.  We were friends on Facebook later but that didn't last long.)  Anyways, when I saw her in my dream I remember being so surprised and so excited.  I said, "Amber, it's me Rachelle!"  Expecting a happy reply of shared excitement I was taken aback when she looked at me puzzled, like she couldn't remember me.  I started trying to jog her memory.  I told her how we used to take her to church with us, she was a convert who joined the church when she was in high school after a few years of attending with friends(one being me.).  I told her my brothers names, who she was friends with, and other things. She still looked puzzled.

I realized the group she was with were other people I knew growing up.  I don't remember who exactly, just that they were a mix of boys and girls.  They also looked puzzled like they couldn't quite place me or remember how we knew each other.  
At that realization I was devastated and started crying which was followed by me waking up crying.  It was a really terrible feeling.
 
The only reason I can think I might have had this dream was because recently I found my high school yearbook and had been perusing through it.  I wasn't specifically thinking about Amber though so I don't know where that came from.  I guess I did read what she wrote in my yearbook but it was just the normal friend stuff.  I don't remember dwelling on it too much.

I know that several years ago Amber went inactive.  We were friends for a while on Facebook and I could tell that she was extremely inactive.  She was going far beyond, if not in the opposite direction of the teachings of the church.  One day I noticed I wasn't getting anything of her on my news feed.  I don't know if she unfriended me, although nothing had happened to offend her.  I wondered if maybe she didn't want me seeing the things she was doing in her life, if that makes sense.  Maybe she was cutting ties with those that reminded her of the church.  Just a theory.  I really have no idea.

All of that happened several years ago and I haven't heard anything of her since.  She had a rough life growing up and the church and the friends she made were a big help.  I don't know what happened to her and why.  It makes me sad and I haven't thought of that for awhile until this dream. 

I hope she's okay. :(