I've come to accept the fact that I am the only girl in this house and, most of the time, I really don't mind.
Yes, there are days where I will lock myself in my room for some much deserved alone/girl time. Like I said they are loud, really loud. But, most of the time I don't mind.
However, this post is about the times I do mind. Please don't take it as ingratitude for what I have. I have been blessed beyond measure and I'm not disputing that.
I just wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit that there are times I really feel the fact that I don't have a girl in the mix. It comes as an uncomfortable tug at my heart.
An example of that was last years general women's meeting. They have changed it a little where all girls/women 8 and up are invited to attend. I think the change is awesome!
At the conference I sat in the back by some ladies in my ward. (I am grateful for the women that are in my life...I need that.) As I sat there I watched all the mother and daughters there together. I watched them playing with their daughters hair during the session, a smiling glance or a quiet whisper in their ears. I noticed the cute outfits and hair that their mom's might have braided. I noticed that beauty and light emanated from these young girls. It brought a smile to my face as I glanced around watching these mother/daughter relationships. It also brought a little ache to my heart.
After the session we had dessert and I sat at a table filled with ladies from my ward. I sat next to one of my primary girls there with her mom. Her mom looked over and said to me. "Kiera was just talking about you today." I said, "Oh, really?" She said, "Kiera was just saying how sad it was that you don't have a daughter to bring to things like this." She wasn't trying to be rude and it didn't hurt my feelings. It did however make me think, "Yea, it would be nice to have daughter to take to things like this." I smiled and said something polite, I don't remember what. Yes, I was very aware of being without a daughter that night.
Another heart tug moment happened recently. We went to Disneyland and met a few of my siblings and their families. Both these siblings have boys and girls in their family. As soon as we stepped foot in the park my sister and sister-in-law took off with their girls to take pictures with the princesses. I was left alone with all the boys and dads. Of course some of those boys were mine and I watched as they took pictures with Mickey Mouse. I was happy to be there. I was happy to see my kids light up at the magical world of Disneyland. But, I couldn't help but feel that little tug at my heart as the girls ran off to find the princesses. There was no invitation for me to join them. But, why would there be when I have no daughters right? It's true, I might do the same thing. But, it's moments like that that make me painfully aware that I am daughterless.
I watch my nieces play and interact and I love it. On one hand it is familiar because I was a young girl once and on the other hand it is so foreign because I have spent the last 12 years watching boys learn, grow and play. They do that so differently then girls.
With all the wonderful blessings boys bring I can't help but yearn for a night of painting nails, watching girly movies, eating chocolate, doing hair and whatever else.
I am grateful for my boys. I'm grateful for their outside, boy smell cuddles. I'm grateful for the opportunity to see them grow into young men. I'm grateful to see them receive the priesthood and advance and learn in the scouting program. I'm grateful to see them become missionaries and become fathers of their own families. I'm grateful for the back scratches I'm able to give them in church or during a still moment at home. I'm grateful for cars, trucks, trains, legos and all boy toys scattered around my house. Boys are special in their own way. They bring to life things that girls do not. I guess the point of this post was that not having any girls can be a bummer sometimes. That's just the reality of it.
It's okay though and life is good. I don't mind locking myself in my room and painting my nails while I eat chocolate and watch a chick flick. Maybe I even crack out the Barbie dolls and my little pony stash hidden under my bed. ;)
It's me and my boys, including Tyson, and I love them with all I have. I can't complain, look at these handsome guys! :)
5 comments:
Yeah that sucks Rachelle and I'm sorry. My sister in law is the same way. Every now and then she has a cry then moves forward with her boys and loves it. Sorry.
I think that's the key. Is okay to have a good cry but then move forward and not wallow. Maybe some day I'll be in yw and have the opportunity to love and nurture girls that way. That's if Tysons ever NOT with the youth. He's good at it though. :)
Ditto, ditto, DITTO! You didn't even mention how much more food boys consume, even little scrawny ones :). With my latest boy I FINALLY let myself understand that wanting a girl doesn't mean I don't want my boys, that was a hard one for me. There's a special hole left empty no matter how much I love my boys, but it's okay too. My life is full,my house is full, a I get to belong to an exclusive all boy mom club,and that's pretty awesome too.
Marsha, thanks for the comment. I wish you lived closer and we could have a girls night together. I do agree the all boys club is a pretty awesome one. :)
Your boys are very handsome. :) Boys are awesome. I sure love them!
It is always hard to be reminded of things we do not have, that we desire. I think so many truly struggle with those kind of feelings for a variety of reasons. It is not always very comfortable to be reminded -- especially in public -- of those things missing in our hearts. Ugh.
If you ever want to paint nails, do hair, etc... I have a willing volunteer named Sammi. Especially since I am more of a tomboy and never do those kind of things on purpose. :) I do the movie part though. Mr. Darcy is a must for the girls, and the boys!
As for taking a daughter to the Women's Conference, I have a volunteer for that as well! I am not going to be able to go because of my surgery, but Sammi would love to go with you, as your daughter, if you will have her. You can even play with her hair and claim she is yours. ;)
I do hope you can have a calling in YW sometime. You would be awesome with them. You would have so much fun. It seems a perfect fit to me... someone needs to whisper in someone else's ear. :)
One day when your boys get married you will have daughters... and then granddaughters... your days of pink fluffy things have just not begun yet, but they will! I can't wait to see pictures of you holding your granddaughter's in the future. Your girls nights are coming!
In the meantime, keep snuggling those awesome boys of yours. And keep doing girls nights/days with us!
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